Soup recipes from Samaritans

Sounds a bit strange doesn’t it. No, Samaritans haven’t become a place you phone to get food ideas. It was totally and wholly appropriate.  Food is such an issue, it’s so linked up to my life.

My mega plus guilt about eating cakes before the abuse has left me with massive food issues. Eating out used to be nearly impossible, getting easier now, its good eating with friends.

Talking this time with Samaritans was dammed hard. When the phone was answered the first words felt patronising and scary, so down the phone went, very quickly. It felt scary and as if the   Samaritan was telling me to go away.It was so so hard ,do I ring back.I was so upset. Gritted my teeth,phoned back,and we sorted it out. It was the first time I have been able to check something out ,did I understand  what was said. Of course I got it wrong!!!!!The Samaritan was being welcoming and recognising me. As is my fabulous skill of reading in-between the lines. Trouble is with Samaritans, 99.00% of the time there are no line to read between.. So we sorted that bit out,or I kind of backtracked and the Samaritan helped me sort out distinctly wobbly lines. That led to the utterly ginormous discussion of food and me.We got round to eating,the stuff I eat daily,the weird stuff, about not necessarily  eating things I like, maybe even eating things I don’t like, because. Because of what, no blinking idea.

OK,missing things out, missing out some of the heavy parts of the conversation, but I have a fabulous recipe for a soup.Samaritans have helped me sort out knarled lines. The knarled lines that I used to run away from. Its finding out that its ok to say “that’s upsetting”

“what do you mean” ,its kind of safe to do that.

Samaritans Guide to part 2

When you think about what Samaritans it does sounds quite strange. When you use what Samaritans does it’s amazing.

They are supposed ordinary human beings with training in listening skills; there is a tremendous amount more than that. They aren’t ordinary human beings, they have skills to draw your feelings out of you and they don’t give advice.

You phone, you talk, potentially about anything. They don’t get fazed by stuff, you can say the things you really feel, not the stuff we say with our external masks on in the external world.

They don’t get stroppy or upset if you put the phone down and then ring back, in fact there pretty chilled about it.

For me it’s about the voice, how it sounds,

If its business like, call centre it, my phone goes down. If the voice is calm and gentle I feel ok ish to talk.

Sometimes the conversation is like being scrubbed, leaving feelings a bit raw.

Sometimes it’s like being bathed in calamine lotion when skin burning with the sun, only its words soothing my mind