loneliness of the single eater

 The loneliness of the single eater
Eating in silence, no book, no TV, no radio, just the sound of external world, distant slushy sound of cars on wet road, rumbling freight train .How diff is the food. I have rice , chickpeas and leeks ,splashed with soy sauce, with dollop of hot
salsa. I can taste the contrast of the intensity of the chickpeas, lightness and kind of squeakiness of leek. Trying small amount in my mouth, feels strange, almost cant taste it. Larger amount ,I can taste it, feels better. Not sure about eating and nothing else. Feels so horribly isolating ,so very very alone.
Managed 10 mins between main meal and bingee stuff.
Cramming in left  over christmas sweet stuff. Its horrible, popcorn covered in a cinnamon white choc,greasy,mega sweet, but I continue to eat,prob about 100 gram, leaving utterly disgusting greasy feeling all over my mouth. Such contrast to fresh ish mouth feeling after main meal.
Food is such a social activity.
If I didn’t binge i would implode. Feels like such a certainty. There are very few people i can eat with. They are the few people who I can be ME with.

 

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