- A short while ago a male Samaritan asked why I didn’t talk to the female Samaritans. I’m not sure how it was ment ,felt like a heavy duty criticism. So I did what I generally do. Tears welled to my eyes and the telephone went down.
The same Samaritan had said the same thing before a longer time ago.That had me thinking and even more thinking today.
Today feeling utterly dire.Last night had a weird weird dream. Wandering round trying to find something,I know not what, sitting in a large common room,low 1960’s style chairs,in the dark,huge floor to ceiling windows at the side,the lights start to come on slowly and ther is a tall figure at my back and I jump out of my skin,waking up with a start, with the words literally coming out of my mouth in speech, that I can’t carry on any more. Woke up feel fearful and shaky. Couldn’t shake the fear and feeling its linked to stuff coming up next week.
Couldn’t cope with feelings, phoned Samaritans and had a most deep meaningful, warm, inspiring conversation with a female Samaritan.
I guess it got me back to thinking about the earlier words. What is the difference? I think I’ve worked it out.
This is working it out for me, — might be different for other people.
When I talk to Samaritans It works for me when I have a two way conversation .Its totally brilliant when the Samaritans says their name, BUT without the expectation that I will say my name. That kind of takes away the pressure to give my name,so its easy to give my name. Yep,I know it sounds strange but it’s how I work.
As a general rule of thumb, with exceptions all over the place,or put it another way,I hope this doesn’t annoy or upset anyone,
This how it feels to me Men seem to start the call by making a comment or very open question. Makes it easier for me to start.
Women seem to stay silent or ask your name without giving their name. That feels like pressure., mega pressure. Men seem to have a conversation and will probe and push a bit. Women have more silences,I’m not sure I’ve been heard. That leaves me feeling its judgemental. I know it’s not.
But it’s how it feels. I guess it’s also about voice tone, does the persons voice change between saying Samaritans or Hello Samaritans and whatever ,if anything, is said next. Women’s voices seem to change, that somehow scares me.
I guess it’s also that sometimes it feels like women are more distant when I get nearer to talking about abuse in my childhood. It feels as if its judgemental, maybe it’s to close, I don’t know, maybe about giving me room to talk, I just get scared. So I tend to find it’s easier to talk to a male. But when I do talk to a woman it’s utterly brilliant,VERY DEEP AFFIRMATIVE AND SUPPORTIVE.
I guess all this feeds in to my fears and assumptions. Guess feels that women are more judgemental, that silences are judgemental, that questions are LOADED with judgementals.
I struggle with the concept that question is a set of words placed together in the hope it will illicit details that may be useful in sets of words between two people.
But at base level are they not all blinking briiliant!