Feels like the harry potter dementors are flying round the air round me.How is it that I can I can have some fun and yet the tiniest thing can send me so flipping wobbly.
Counselling session this week was so intense. We started talking about how food has become such an issue. That can use food to help stress, for pleasure and every possible element in-between.
Received last minute invite to barn dance and after a mega self-argument with myself. Should I go,could I cope, will I make an eejit of myself and on and on. Even I got bored with myself. FINALLY DECIDED TO GO. There weren’t many there, was good for me. I had really good time. There were a few moments when I was in that moment alone, I was being twirled around ,held by the waist by a man,yes a real live male species,who knew how to twirl,it was fantastic fun. I’ve learnt how to dosie doe, Cumberland reel and strip the willow. I was privileged to see a display of one woman’s Lancashire clog dancing accompanied by a unaccompanied version of the “blackleg miner” sung by the twirley man.Superb.
Tough parts when a male person touched a certain upper part of my body. It WAS an absolute ACCIDENT, zero doubts on that, and they were embarrassed. Trouble is it leaves memories, it’s like wisps of memory that create a trail through my mind and heart. Its kind of like an aeroplane vapour trail. The trail stays long after the plane has gone.
Thirty six hours later getting off the bus this morning going to work, mass of people trying to get on without giving room for those getting off. A woman pushed past me, bashed into those upper parts on my body and it set off another set of fear and like someone opening a pop bottle that’s been shaken up. Trouble is I can’t find the words for the feelings.